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Great Christmas quotations

A little something here for every kind of Christmas mood:

“A good conscience is a continual Christmas.” — Benjamin Franklin.

“We were so poor that at Christmas we just exchanged glances.” — Anonymous.

“At Christmas, ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ makes me cry in exactly the same places every time, even though I know it’s coming.” — Nicholos Lea.

“Christmas carols always brought tears to my eyes. I also cry at weddings. I should have cried at a couple of my own.” — Ethel Merman.

Christmas isn’t a season. It’s a feeling. — Edna Ferber.

“Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.”— Stephen Fry.

“Christmas… is not an external event at all, but a piece of one’s home that one carries in one’s heart.” — Freya Stark.

“If you want me to sing this Christmas song with the feeling and the meaning, you better see if you can locate that check.” — Mahalia Jackson.

“Orphans, dead parents, lonely children at Christmas, morose spoken word recordings, everything you love about the holidays. Move the turkey over so you can fit your head in the oven.” — April Winchell.

“Our children await Christmas presents like politicians getting in election returns: there’s the Uncle Fred precinct and the Aunt Ruth district still to come in.” — Marceline Cox.

“The only blind person at Christmastime is he who has not Christmas in his heart.” — Helen Keller.

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.” — Jerry Seinfeld.

“The truth is that our way of celebrating the Christmas season does spring from myriad cultures and sources, from St. Nicholas to Coca-Cola advertising campaigns.” — Richard Roeper.

“There’s been a concerted effort to steal Christmas.” — Jerry Falwell.

“To perceive Christmas through its wrappings becomes more difficult with every year.” — E.B. White.

“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller.

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” — Jay Leno.

“There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” — P.J. O’Rourke.

“Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.”  – Dennis Miller.

“Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It’s like, ‘Oh great, socks. You know I’m dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They’ll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?’” — Jim Gaffigan.

“Every year, Christmas gets longer and longer, and you don’t care, do you? Every year, you just take more of the calendar for yourself. How long does it take you people to shop? It’s beyond belief! It’s insane! When I was a kid, Halloween was Halloween, and Santa wasn’t poking his a— into it!”  – Lewis Black

“I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.” — Steven Wright.

“Christmas is for children. But it is for grown-ups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide-bound hearts.”  — Lenora Mattingly Weber.

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”  — Shirley Temple.

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.”  — Carol Nelson.


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