The emperor’s naked. Bring your party hat.

February 2nd, 2009 at 10:56am Annette LaCross

Published Jan. 11:

There was some good-natured groaning at the start of the new year when the keepers of the world’s time added an extra second to the last day of 2008.

It was good-natured, of course, because it was only one second. Had the Royal Observatory opted to add another minute or — horrors — another hour to Dec. 31, worldwide looting probably would have broken out.

Quite a few people, it seems, were eager to begin the new year. Or, at least, to get as far away as possible from the old one.

The longing for a fresh start after a rough period, to escape cold reality and wake up in friendlier climes, is inherent in the human condition. It’s certainly true on New Year’s Eve, which coincides perfectly with our need for a symbolic gateway to shed the old and start anew. Especially if we can start without the stupid party hat.

Part of the escapist allure, of course, is its tendency to obfuscate one of the stark realities of the human condition: “No matter where you go, there you are.”

The problem is that a new calendar year won’t change you in any fundamental way. You entered 2009 carrying the same baggage from 2008.

Nor did the advent of 2009 automatically readjust your 401(k) balance. Banks didn’t return to the days of easy credit — to the days of any credit, for that matter — and too many homes are still overvalued and underwater.

In other words, a global recession looks very much the same whether you’re in Pecatonica or Paris. And location only matters in real estate (well, usually).

Perversely, this actually means good news for us hapless consumers.

Maybe not “good” news, exactly — more along the lines of “no news is good news.”

I suspect that 2009 will bear the same hallmarks of 2008, even though we might not recognize it right away.

As we entered 2008, we were besotted. The economy captivated us, clad as she was in lustrous silks and sumptuous fur. Beribboned and bejeweled, she overcame us with her siren song. And we wanted to be like her: healthy, wealthy, revered and beautiful.

Then, like the legends of old, our eyes were opened (a few major bank collapses will do that) and we saw her for what she was: a consumptive old bat in a tarnished tiara who left destruction in her wake.

So we ran, hiding wherever we could find a foxhole, forgetting in our panic that we — with the help of some slick Wall Street financiers — created both visions. And, of course, when we stopped running, there we were.

But human beings are great adapters, and we were facing a new reality of cataclysmic proportions. We’ve since grown accustomed to the economy’s new face and are changing to accommodate it.

2009 will be marked by headlines similar to 2008, but we will have grown accustomed to them. Most won’t generate nearly the attention as those heralding the unmasking of our once-proud economic vision.

The old witch will try to fool us again, of course — we’ll catch a glimpse of satin ribbons fluttering around the next corner, or spy a bright swath of silk against the bleakness of the landscape.

We may even try to chase it down (Wall Street traders certainly will). But we’ll come to our senses before we get too far and back off once we recognize her for what she is.

I think we’ll be content to hunker down in the first half of the year, barring any extraordinary events. It probably won’t get much worse, but I doubt it’s going to get much better.

We may not like it, but after all, here we are.

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