We really don’t like women, do we?

September 5th, 2008 at 12:24pm Linda Grist Cunningham

For crying out loud, of course Sarah Palin, the GOP pick for vice president, is going to put her career (country) (politics) above her family. On some days. Other days, it’ll be the kids and hubby ahead of career (country) (politics). That’s what we do — men and women. We make choices every darn day. I’ve worked outside the home for 36 years. I work in a newsroom filled with men and women who raise their kids and fight with their spouses over who’s going to take PTA duty tonight, wash the clothes or do the science project. Sometimes work comes first; sometimes the kids. Most of us get the balance right most of the time.

Is it fair to ask how Palin might approach that balance of choices? You bet. What criteria will she use to make the choice between heading to Iraq on a diplomatic mission and being in the hospital with her daughter when her grandbaby is born? I’m not bothered by her having to make the choice, nor do I much care which choice she makes. I want to know how her brain is  going to approach the decision making. That’s the real test of how strong a vice president, mother, wife and person she is.

Would I ask the same of a man? Honestly, probably not, and certainly not with the same depth and breadth. Sexist? Hardly. Realist. Women do the kids and family — and they do the workplace. Men, even the most enlightened caregivers among them, don’t carry the primary responsibility. Ok, so some do, but no way is it a 50-50 deal.

I ask myself every day what’s my plan for balancing work and home. I expect my coworkers to have a similar plan. What ARE you going to do when you have to cover a disaster news story and the kid has a school play? I don’t give a rip whether you’re the dad or the mom. You better have a plan. There’s not a darn thing sexist or otherwise about it: If you’re going to work outside the home and have a personal life, you’re going to make choices — and you are flat out guaranteed that sometimes those choices are going to be dead wrong and you’re going to pay a price — either with your personal life or work life.

When my soon-to-turn 30 son was three months, I went back to work. I remember clearly standing in my kitchen hallway on the phone obsessing with my mother over whether Lee might turn into a serial killer because I was going back to newspapering rather than baking cookies for some future imagined school party. Her words echo today: Love him. Keep him safe. Make sure he knows he’s secure. Do the best you can. He’ll turn out fine.

That from a woman who reared five children, the first three as a traditional stay-at-home mom, the last two as a working librarian. And, for the record, Lee turned out OK.

Sarah Palin, no more than I, can have it all both ways. You can be a full-time mother or a full-time professional. You just can’t be fulltime at both at the same time. You make choices between family and work. I made ‘em. She’ll make ‘em.  And, yes, I care a lot more about how and why she will make the choices she makes than I care about how and why John McCain will put his country ahead of HIS wife and kids. It’s a darn site easier for him than for Sarah.

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