Traveling tips and fashion advice from the airport

Traveling tips and fashion advice from the airport

Learn from me what not to do going through airport security.

Don’t leave your water bottle in your bag. Oops, I did it again.  They will ask if you want to chug it, leave the area to drink and come back through the line again (yeah, right), or if they should toss it. You have to wait while your bag goes through the scanner again sans water bottle.

Don’t wear big clunky jewelry or belts that are not easy to get on and off. Don’t wear boots or shoes that you have to tug and struggle with.  Don’t bury your laptop in your suitcase.

I’ve learned the drill and pride myself on being a pro on getting through efficiently and not being someone that folks in line dread getting stuck behind. I do easy-airport-day accessories and my boots zip off easy. My laptop is in an easy in-easy-out bag.

Grab two bins; one for shoes, jacket and stuff, one for laptop. Zip the bag and push it down the conveyor belt. Step inside the timewarp chamber. (That’s what it makes me think of; I’ve yet to be transported.) Place your feet on the big yellow feet. Arms over your head. Wait for the thing to go back and forth, taking a picture of your intestines.

Don’t wear metallics. New lesson learned: Blingy wardrobe slows down security. Jacket with pretties can be removed. Turtle neck with a shimmer material, um, no. Pat down. All is well.

Waiting in line this morning to go through security, the lovely gentleman took one look at me and said I was going to light them up. He didn’t mean it as a compliment.

Metallic threads woven throughout my skirt did indeed light up the TSA officers. They had me step into the air chamber/bug zapper/metal detector again and wait for my flouncy skirt to stop moving around me before they scanned one more time.

Again, my lower body set off their Not Good warnings and I had to be patted down and my hands had to be swabbed for chemicals. A new definition for fashion police, I guess.

My favorite, comfy traveling clothes will have to be un-bedazzled. Even my jeans with a rivet and a rhinestone on the back pocket have set off the ultra-sensitive sensors. Now I know why some people wear sweats when they travel.

After you get through security and get yourself put back together (Milwaukee airport calls this the Recombobulation Area, my favorite airport sign ever), go buy an overpriced bottle of water. It’s good to have in case the beverage service on the airplane is delayed or you fall asleep and miss when they come through. Drink plenty of water on the flight.

When you land, grab your bag and go. Walk past the first ladies restroom that you see and hit the next one. There won’t be a line.

If you have to claim checked luggage, go to your carousel and get a spot midway. Pushy people elbow their way to be able to grab their bags the minute they launch out of the hole of the wall. You can wait the 30 seconds to have it ride down to you.

Have a pretty bag, or adorn it with something flashy so you don’t have to look at the nametag of every basic black suitcase that passes by. If yours is heavy, let some kind fellow lug it off for you.

Go home, take a nap and start planning your next trip. And more importantly, your travel outfit.

(Kelly Epperson Simmons is an author/speaker/coach who helps people birth their books. Call toll free 888-637-3563 or write info@kellyepperson.com.)