It’s been a while since I’ve shared my thoughts and concerns about our community – recently, those concerns have been building and I’ve reached a point that I can’t keep quiet any longer.
I’m disturbed by the number of people unwilling to accept responsibility for their, and their offspring’s, actions. Recently, any number of people have been making excuses for why a teen or adult child shouldn’t have received the results their poor choices derived. At what point do we insist that people take responsibility for the havoc and pain they cause? Mourn the outcome, but be accountable and take responsibility for what led to the outcome. A total lack of regard for authority and accountability are a large part of what’s causing the chaos in our community at this time.
It doesn’t matter if it’s a police officer, teacher, principal or parent, there is an abundance of blatant disregard and disdain for anyone in an authoritative position. Children and adults alike display contempt for authority – an adult’s derision for authority is mentored for their children and it becomes the norm for the child to act in the same manner. Evidently there has been little teaching of self respect and respect for elders, teachers, police and others going on for the past decade. Many children and teens feel perfectly at ease yelling at teachers, spitting on or running from police officers or acting violently toward a principal. In a majority of cases, this is just wrong and poor parenting led us down this path.
At the same time, we are teaching our kids that they aren’t responsible for their actions – it’s always someone else’s fault. In my office, I can’t tell you how often I hear from a parent that it is one of my employee’s fault that their child’s case was denied – never mind the fact that the parent didn’t turn in their paperwork on time and complete. It’s not their fault! How often have you blamed the teacher for your child receiving a failing grade – just because their work wasn’t turned in on time, or at all, it’s not your child’s fault…he’s just a child after all or had football practice or any other activity that justifies his not turning in his homework. This lesson in lack of accountability is a lifelong one, and sadly, we’re all going to pay for it, and in many cases, are already.
Unfortunately, in many of the publicized cases recently, excuses have been made for those who made poor choices. Yes, many of those who paid the price for those bad choices have been young African American men. Yes, the situations may have been approached by people in authority with a bias. I won’t say racism is evident because each of the fatal incidents could have been avoided if the young man had complied with the requests of the authoritative person in charge. It’s easy to say that police, or someone protecting their property, shouldn’t have shot someone. It’s more realistic to recognize that when faced with an unknown person holding a potentially deadly weapon of unknown caliber, and the person doesn’t comply with demands to disarm themselves or vacate the premises, the situation has escalated to life and death decisions. Whoever is standing with the barrel facing them is going to do whatever they have to to ensure they come out alive.
At this point I do have to say that I wish more local law enforcement agencies returned to issuing Tazers. Having one more intermediate weapon in their arsenal would provide officers with another choice before moving to deadly force. I get the risk management side of the Tazer, but I feel it’s minimal when determining certain death if an officer has to fire his weapon at a subject.
I believe that drugs, poverty and a lack of mental health care are contributing to the crime we’re experiencing in Rockford. Black children are five times more likely to be raised in poverty than White children; around 70% of public housing residents are African American. Mental health funding has been slashed repeatedly by the State and it has become a challenge to get help for uninsured individuals. Rockford is perfectly positioned to be a major drug hub given our geographic distance from Madison, Milwaukee and Chicago – leading to increased crime and violence.
Does race play a role? Yes, it does in the fact that there are eight times as many unemployed African American males than their White counterparts, fewer graduating high school and fewer having the influence of strong male figures in their lives. That Black men account for more than half of local jail bookings can’t be coincidental. And yes, I believe racism is alive and well in this community; and yes, I believe law enforcement often deal in stereotypes. In the instances people are using lately to claim racism, however, I believe it’s less about race and chalk it up to lack of respect for authority and an unwillingness to be accountable for choices and actions – which ultimately drills down to parenting.
Excellent article. Excellent. This is a timely message.
In my opinion, the schools need to open up the regulations that were in place in the 1950s (and of course, doing away with any racially biased policies-but placing grooming standards, disciplinary policies, etc.) and put those regulations and disciplinary practices back into place.
Bad and disrespectful behavior has to have consequences. That’s how kids learn. A student swinging at, spitting on, or even yelling or cursing at a teacher was unheard of in my day. They had limited strikes which led to expulsion, and the possibility of having to attend school via a boy’s farm (I don’t recall Girls’ Fa5rms because I never recall seeing girls behave in such manner back then).
It is heart breaking.
I couldn’t agree more!
Usually I find myself on the other side of your arguments, today, however, your thoughts mirror mine.
In the recent shootings, it is noteworthy that Police were called or summoned…they were NOT out driving around looking for some random black man to shoot. Further, there is an element in the black community that claims racism every time a white officer is forced to shoot some thug.
Kris. I agree as well. Extremely well stated. Think how many Kid’s grow up in one person households. Many of these people (parents) don’t even hold themselves accountable…much less their kid’s. LOYALTY…is a big word in my vocabulary. LOYALTY….to your kid’s means you put them FIRST. You would lay down your life for them. NOT, sit by and watch them ruin theirs before they even get a chance to live.
I can’t believe these words are emanating from me. I couldn’t agree more. Kris you just hit a grand slam down 3 runs, 3-2 count, 2 outs, bottom of the 9th, game 7 of the World Series. I never thought I would read words like that from a left winger. You almost came a cross as a conservative. lol. Well done. Will link to my Facebook page later today.
Expertly written! Could not have been said any better at all! As a teacher, I have witnessed the decline of respect and accountability first hand. I cannot believe the lengths that parents and students will go to make excuses for the lack of accomplishment rather than complete an assignment on time. RESULTS, NOT EXCUSES is my mantra! Poverty, poor parenting, drug usage and the like are more determining factors than race in these issues. Having been a struggling single mother at one time myself, I know it IS possible to raise respectful, productive children who DO NOT end up on the wrong side of the law. Be parents, not friends! Set boundaries and enforce consequences!
I am a black woman and I 100% agree with you. I was just having this discussion with my co-workers about all of the crime in Rockford lately and that I am tired of parents getting on television and claiming racism or that their child didn’t have to be shot/ and or killed by police officers. To the parent that say’s this, I would say to them….had your child not been committing a crime, they would still be alive today. Stop making excuses for your kids doing wrong, your not helping them, your only hurting them.
This is why I moved out of Rockford, to get a way from the rampid crime plaguing the city. There is crime everywhere you go, but Rockford is out of control.
Kris, I have often thought of commenting on your posts, but have not. Here, Here! this article states what should be obvious, but seems to be glossed over. When I was growing up, if I screwed up, I admitted it and still do today. We have been heading down this slippery slope for so long that it seems like it is normal. We all make choices and should accept responsibility for our actions. I saw a post in support of the 2nd amendment stating, “If guns kill people then the pencil caused my misspelling and the spoon made me fat” What about personal responsibility.
Thank-you for this article, but I know it will be misunderstood.
To JGordon…returning to values systems in place in the 50′s…I know I’m a little off topic here but when it comes to grooming practices we need to remember how teachers themselves came dressed to school back then…many of today’s teachers show up dressed in jeans, T-shirts and sweat pants. Yes, it would be nice to see EVERYBODY show up at school dressed in a fashion that commands respect!
Many thanks for the thoughtful comments from you all. As many of you know, when I see or believe racism or discrimination are at work, I’m the first to call it. In turn, when it’s being used inappropriately, I’ll call that as well.
Gary – I have to surprise you here and tell you that I’m actually not a “left winger” as you suggest – I’m that rare breed who still considers herself a moderate.
Your comment gave me quite a chuckle in a very busy day – thank you!
Kris
Your very well written post goes to the heart of the problem, Kris, not only in our community but across the country. The problems with authority that are occuring are not race based, but due to a lack of authority in the home, with parents pushing their role of accountability to surrogates, while parents take care of their own wants and needs.
It’s very unfortunate that most of these recent deaths would have not have occurred had the individual simply obeyed authority, something the individual had not been taught to respect in their own home.
SJhonson: I have worked and volunteered in various Rockford public school buildings and I can confirm that many of today’s teachers show up dressed in jeans, pajama bottoms, TATOOS (some on the neck or arms visible), and many female teachers wearing clothing so small and/or tight they have to ADD CLOTHES to look “acceptable”.
As a consequence from personal experience, I witness 14 and 15 year olds with–you guessed it–TATTOOS. The attitude accompanies the ink (guess they think they’re tough now–or “expressing” themsleves). Heaven forbid any of them actually read at their grade level or accomplish simple acceptable behavior without an IEP granting exceptions!
As for tasers–Have people forgotten that the sue-happy, work-allergic “victims” have sued or threatened to sue over taser use?
There have been many cases of some drug-addled person getting tased and dying from a heart attack or something (likely drug related). So the police gives the cry babies what they want and tasers are gone.
Now you don’t like the alternative either–so what are officers supposed to do? As the robber nicely if it’s a pellet gun before they shoot?