Do you prefer John, or Mr. Smith?
May 13th, 2008 at 08:23am Wally Haas
This is something that has bugged me for a long time. At some businesses, especially banks, when I get done with a transaction, the person says “Thank you, Walter.”
I come from an era where you called everyone Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. and if you called anyone by their first name it was presumptuous at best or disrespectful at worst.
It doesn’t feel right for someone I don’t know to call me by my given name instead of my surname.
What do you think? Am I just a curmudgeon or do I have a case?
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9 Comments Add your own
1. Pat Cunningham | May 13th, 2008 at 10:15 am
I’m with you, Mr. Haas. What’s worse is when wait staffers at restaurants refer to customers as “you guys.” I’ve even seen these slack-jawed uptalkers refer to elderly women as “you guys.” If I owned a restaurant, I’d warn my employees that they’ll be fired for such an offense. And have you ever had a male waiter kneel down at your table to take your order? Where did that start? And I’ve got another one: You ask the waiter for more butter or water or something, and the idiot replies: “No problem.” Don’t get me started, Mr. Haas. I can out-curmudgeon you any day of the week.
2. Hoffian | May 13th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Lighten up, Waldo! And Cunningham sounds like an elitist. Did your fathers not teach you to treat everyone the same? No one should be treated like a king…we’re all in this world together.
3. Wally Haas | May 13th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Exactly, Mr, Mrs, or Ms. Hoffian. Treat everyone with respect, which is why I use surnames.
4. Chuck Sweeny | May 14th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
I, too, hate it when wait staff say things like, “You guys doin’ OK over here?”
Or, “Hi, I’m Heather, I’ll be your server tonight.” I”m always tempted to say, “Oh no you won’t.” But of course, I don’t.
How about the evergreen favorite: “You still workin’ on that?”
Once I answered the waitress by saying, in a very serious voice, “Yes, I’m starting to build a model of the Eiffel Tower with these fries.”
She replied, “What … ever.”
5. Dan Breed | May 14th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Does any columnist in Rockford have anything of consequence to say? Come on, ‘you guys,’ write about something that deserves real attention and leave your pet peeves to your morning coffee roundtable.
6. hokumboy | May 14th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Dan,
I think they’ve all finished cutting and pasting clippings from the Trib for the day and this keeps ‘em busy for the rest of their shift.
First it was loud stereos, then motorcycles, and now this. I can’t believe I’m the same age as these guys.
When that cute little bank teller, 35 years my junior, calls me by my first name it makes my day. It’s a lot better than what my wife calls me!
7. thedudeabides | May 15th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Though I too dislike the epithet “guys” or the even worse, “you folks.” kneeling at the table to be at the same level as the customer is a pretty widely accepted technique that almost always boosts tips.
Plus, Rockford’s restaurant scene isn’t exactly fine dining — do you really expect white tablecloth service when you’re only paying $12 for dinner?
It’s a good thing you two stick to curmudgeonly writing and not waiting tables, Pat and Wally.
8. Wally Haas | May 15th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Thanks, Mr. Dude. I did wait tables when I was younger, well before I started my curmudgeonly ways. I also was a dishwasher, busboy, factory worker, bartender, bouncer, janitor and did an assorted number of odd jobs. In all those jobs two things were given: The customer is always right and so is the boss. I\’m not so sure those are true today.
9. thedudeabides | May 15th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
…they’re not. In many instances, the customer is wrong. The customer must always feel like their voice is being heard, but they’re most certainly not always right. Too often, customers get some self-importance boost when they’re in a public setting (ever see a harried mom trying to return something around Christmastime?) and they treat service staff like crap.
I get upset when I see someone berating their waitress for something stupid, but even more upset when the manager doesn’t back the waitress up, and folds to a customers’ outrageous demands on the basis of “the customer is always right.”. Now everyone in the vicinity knows that the management is a doormat that can be bullied. Bad move for the business.
There’s a book by NY restauranteur Danny Meyers (Gramercy Tavern, Blue Smoke….) where he discusses a restaurant’s priorities, and that their first responsibility is to their staff, not the customer, as everyone is used to hearing. The book is called “Setting the Table” and I highly recommend it to anyone who has to motivate or hire a staff of people.
Paraphrased from the book: “First priority is the staff because they are the most important part of the operation — they’re the only point of interaction with the customer, and if they’re not well taken care of, they’re not going to work hard / be happy. The next priority is the customers. Then the community. Then the suppliers. Lastly, the investors.”
As far as the surnames go, I’d rather have a low-key, empathetic waitress address me by my first name than have a perfectly polished, aloof waitress address me as “Monsiuer.”
-Mr. Dude
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