What is this feeling of compassion?

3 comments July 9th, 2008

Is there a difference in meaning between “I understand how you feel” and “I know how you feel”? I look at it as the difference between “sympathy” and “empathy.”

The first one, sympathy, is more intellectual: I can imagine what you must be going through, and I share your grief. It works on many levels. That’s why we have sympathy cards instead of empathy cards.

The second, empathy, means I’ve been there, so I know what it’s like. From this perspective, I don’t think males can be empathetic when it comes to childbirth. We should be overflowing with sympathy, though. 

These are not necessarily accepted distinctions. It’s just the way I look at it. Here are some other takes on the two:

From “Garner’s Modern American Usage” by Bryan A. Garner: ” ‘Empathy’ is the ability to imagine oneself in another person’s position and to experience all the sensations connected with it. ‘Sympathy’ is compassion for or commiseration with another.”

From “Words on Words” by John B. Bremner: ” ‘Empathy’ is stronger and more personal than ’sympathy.’ ‘Empathy’ involves vicarious identification and extends beyond feelings of pity or commiseration to an understanding of the very soul of another.”

From “Right, Wrong, and Risky” by Mark Davidson: “Use ‘empathy’ for the ability to identify with the feelings or thoughts of someone else. Use ’sympathy’ for the spontaneous reaction of pity.”

The dictionary says “empathy” is “the projection of one’s own personality into the personality of another in order to understand the person better” or “ability to share in another’s emotions, thoughts, or feelings.” For “sympathy” it has several definitions, one of them sounding a lot like “empathy”: “an entering into, or the ability to enter into, another person’s mental state, feelings, emotions, etc.”

Still trying to sort them out? I sympathize. Or maybe I empathize. Anyway, I feel your pain.